I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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