4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This toilet bowl is my home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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