im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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