NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
