i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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