In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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