i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
NoShamevember. You game?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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