I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
