when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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