I hope mine doesn't look like that
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
