Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's always time for handjobs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
