no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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