He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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