it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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