the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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