Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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