when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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