Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I can't put those talents on a resume
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
