nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
