I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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