But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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