The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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