he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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