I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
