just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies