I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????