its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me