then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis