She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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