Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
wow bdsm is so cute
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
