My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We named our party play list daddy issues
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
