Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
