I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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