you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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