I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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