I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
