they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
