I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize