Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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