first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
