So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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