3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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