On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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