I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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