Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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