Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
