What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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