I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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