a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So. Much. Porn.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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