please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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