pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
