dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
