the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
