There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
