apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
