my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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