i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
