didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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