oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
