Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
