pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm both gender and math confused
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
