Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
