The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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