who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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