I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.