I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
