you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
